I thankfully didn’t have to struggle too hard with this one, I ended up actually asking my best friend to read all of my poems and give me some advice on them for she is a more descriptive writer than I am- I ended up calling her a thesaurus of a human after she helped me. The poem that I’m going to base this off of is going to be my Free Poem #2, or Deceived. I ended up sending the poem to her and not too much longer she sent it back to me, throughout college she has been nice enough to do this for many of my papers and for that I thank her gratefully. She changed my sentence from “feeling sad” to “feeling drenched in sorrow” and it helped make my poem pop a lot! However, I did have to edit some of her lines back in return, she makes nice poems but some of the sentences sounded too long for me. My third line about fireworks was already too long, and with the words she suggested it ended up feeling even longer. So I decided to cut that into two parts instead of one long one. I noticed I did this a lot for many of my poems as well, even sometimes cutting out her suggested descriptions because it felt like a mouth full to read. I know that there can be long poems, but I know that in my mind it just didn’t feel as right.
I am not too confident in my poetry still, it’s not my favorite topic of writing but I still tried my best. I couldn’t even figure out where to start when revising my own poetry so when asking around with my friends I am glad they gave me feedback as well. I know that the class is meant to help with feedback and in a way they did, but interacting with my friends made it a lot more enjoyable.
